Where We Had Come From

We lost track of ourselves in the desert
slowly becoming invisible
under the warm light
of the sun and the stars.

For years, we had traveled the blue roads
creating new dreams each day and each night
pulling poems from red arching rocks,
from steep peaks of purple and forgotten giants.

We came to realize
that it would all disappear
all that we knew,
even our bones
even our dreams.

The many unanswered questions multiplied,
piling on top of each other like leaves
like dust on old memories
photos stored in tiny boxes.

We tried to imagine the stories
which would emerge from the chaos,
tried to hold on to the signal
that seemed eager to float away
to leave with the fading light.

We were whole for one moment
one brief instant caught and held in a passing blink.
For a flash we saw
and we sent out what we saw
out on the night breeze
hoping it would become a song,
a dream, a painting, a map;
far away from the big desert,
under the warm light
of the sun and the stars.

Our project unraveled,
and brought us back where we had come from,
back to the very start
where there was only black chaos
and blinking sparks that came from the darkness
and went nowhere.

Then I stripped naked and danced.
That was all that was left
for me to do.
To dance freely
one last time,
under the warm light
of the sun and the stars.

The Whole and the Chaos

The Whole eventually emerged from the Chaos

And it came out naked and bright

And slippery.

It was built on poems and manifestos

a blend of colorful paint

and crumbled balls of newspaper.

 

I stood far away

And I watched it moving

somewhere in my mind.

I felt the breeze of its movement

And I heard the sound

of rustling leaves overhead

and I felt my heart beating

more and more slowly.

 

Chaos slipped back into the shadows

like a wave that slides back into the ocean.

I could sense its low hum,

I could feel the crackling of its low song.

 

And the Whole grew bigger

brighter as it moved,

pulling in more and more words

lines of poems danced around it

forming rings so large they sprouted hurricanes

and all the cities were drenched,

pounded by drops of thought

and walls of words

and they were all made new again

and slippery

almost naked again as they once were

in their gray color.

Sin Together

I who think
I am a creature of the solid world,
a shadow without a final shape
a blurry wave in the night
given form
through the dark art of succession.

I have slowly chipped at the map,
the map I was given
the map I didn’t create
and I have blurred the lines-
what has no lines around it
cannot be defined.
It becomes a language without words
and changes its shape recurrently
and dissolves into the dream.

It is Tuesday morning
and there is a curvature on the wind.
The sidewalk ends and we lock eyes.
I have seen her before
But not like this.
There is a sound somewhere
and then there is white, and then blue.

I do not assume the triangle.
I do not assume a body or a breath.
We fly simultaneously,
breathing in a response to each other
that which is not yours
is mine.

It is Wednesday night
I hear her footsteps
coming towards me.
The door of my room opens
and I jump towards it
I scream in the darkness
and she throws herself on top of me.
She is heavy on me
but not so heavy-
I could push her away
If I really tried.
But I don’t try.

I know it is her
so I stay where I am

The road we travel
begins somewhere beyond the doorway
and once on it, it is difficult to return.
We have sinned together
Sinned against the rules of the surface,
Sinned against the most fundamental laws.
We now move like silk waves in a lightning storm.
Only the mad know they have sinned
and we just dance
recoiling
retracting
hysterical.

Then I have a thought.
I have never seen her tonight.
I don’t really know if it is her
All I know is a shadow in the darkness.
I feel as if she is biting me
through the sheets.
I offer some resistance,
I try to get up,
I push with all my strength.

I who think
have found a new center of gravity
a center in the storm
a storm in the dream.
And what is not hers
is mine
And what is not mine
is hers.

Eye

 

I saw the main stairway of the old house
But it was closed, cancelled
The stairs continued into the lower darkness
into some kind of forbidden basement
a place I had never seen or been aware of.
This place was also closed, cancelled.

I looked downwards
Into the darkness
And I saw
Or imagined I saw
an awakened eye
which was my own.

I went to my room upstairs
it was more like a small apartment than a room
With a living room, a bathroom, a bedroom.
And on the white wall,
The one that faced the street
I saw
a single colored teardrop
seemingly fresh and alive.
Then I heard a loud noise
and the tear splattered
all over the white wall.

I spent some time
making sure all the doors were closed and locked
I was certain there were other people close by
Wandering around the house.
I had some trouble locking all the doors
since I wasn’t sure
where they were all located.

In the middle of rushing around
closing and locking everything
I heard a sound
That I somewhat recognized as my name
Then I heard it again
And I just heard it as a word
A word without a meaning known to me.


I walked down a long hall
Surrounded by gardens of grass and stone.
I could see other gardens in the distance
I saw a group of children
Led by two or three adults
They were all carrying candles
And raising them above their heads.

The man who was in charge approached me.
He talked to me as if he knew who I was
And why I was there.
“It’s a beautiful house…”
He said.
And I responded:
“Yes, it really is..
But it’s a bit dangerous…
Specially for kids.”
I was thinking of so many levels,
So many ways to fall.
He said:
“It’s ok.
As long as you keep your eye on them.”

Then the children came to me
And carried me like a precious jewel.
I became pink and new,
With a touch of purple
Maybe brown or light blue
Always on the verge of crying.

Pillow of Darkness

 

I lay on a pillow of darkness

Pure black

Except for the tiny flecks of light

Moving in random patterns

I imagine intersecting lines

at 35-degree angles from each other.

they fade intermittently

and form other shapes

I cannot remember the shapes

I cannot describe them

 

xxx

 

I feel as if I disappear.

perhaps for a few moments

perhaps forever.

I become invisible

a thing that was

but is no more.

 

Xxx

 

I hate the graveyards

the long lines of tombstones

lawns overgrown with weeds

decaying presents for the dead,

weathered teddy bears and deflated balloons.

I hate the roses left to decompose in the sun,

To be later thrown in metal dumpsters

like forgotten dreams

unspoken conversations.

I hate all of it.

the sales people

the ground crew men in dirty pants

the people looking for solace amongst quiet bones.

 

xxx

 

i want freedom

water

waves

I want to slide into oblivion like the other nameless souls

come and now gone.

Will anyone find our music

our words

our small attempts at transformation?

 

xxx

 

I lay on a pillow of darkness

floating somewhere between ocean and desert

between hot and cold

between life and death

The desert now blooms with newfound moisture,

purple flowers and panting lizards,

mermaid clouds.

The oceans begin to sing,

singing of sun trees and orange fruit that drip with sugar,

forming puddles

lakes and creatures that would become myths

and great dreams and nightmares.

 

xxx

 

I will become nameless

i will descend into the chaos I came from.

Into the blood,

the dirt,

the blackness

the specks of light in strange patterns

the nothingness that somehow becomes something.

 

xxx

 

Out of the chaos I am whole

for a moment,

such a short moment.

I am a sentence,

a name,

two sentences and then another,

and then one year, and then another.

I emerge from rough ideas

and soft kisses

from pain and chaos

from dirt and blood

from stories that were lost by people I never met

from stories that may be told long after I’m gone

I am all the people that are now lost,

forgotten,

buried in the blackness

in the darkness

in the soil that made me,

the waves that quenched me

the sun which fed me,

the same sun which crushed and bruised

and landed on my lips

that touched my eyes

and made me whole,

the sun that pulled me out of the darkness

for a moment,

such a short moment.