Sin Together

I who think
I am a creature of the solid world,
a shadow without a final shape
a blurry wave in the night
given form
through the dark art of succession.

I have slowly chipped at the map,
the map I was given
the map I didn’t create
and I have blurred the lines-
what has no lines around it
cannot be defined.
It becomes a language without words
and changes its shape recurrently
and dissolves into the dream.

It is Tuesday morning
and there is a curvature on the wind.
The sidewalk ends and we lock eyes.
I have seen her before
But not like this.
There is a sound somewhere
and then there is white, and then blue.

I do not assume the triangle.
I do not assume a body or a breath.
We fly simultaneously,
breathing in a response to each other
that which is not yours
is mine.

It is Wednesday night
I hear her footsteps
coming towards me.
The door of my room opens
and I jump towards it
I scream in the darkness
and she throws herself on top of me.
She is heavy on me
but not so heavy-
I could push her away
If I really tried.
But I don’t try.

I know it is her
so I stay where I am

The road we travel
begins somewhere beyond the doorway
and once on it, it is difficult to return.
We have sinned together
Sinned against the rules of the surface,
Sinned against the most fundamental laws.
We now move like silk waves in a lightning storm.
Only the mad know they have sinned
and we just dance
recoiling
retracting
hysterical.

Then I have a thought.
I have never seen her tonight.
I don’t really know if it is her
All I know is a shadow in the darkness.
I feel as if she is biting me
through the sheets.
I offer some resistance,
I try to get up,
I push with all my strength.

I who think
have found a new center of gravity
a center in the storm
a storm in the dream.
And what is not hers
is mine
And what is not mine
is hers.

Eye

 

I saw the main stairway of the old house
But it was closed, cancelled
The stairs continued into the lower darkness
into some kind of forbidden basement
a place I had never seen or been aware of.
This place was also closed, cancelled.

I looked downwards
Into the darkness
And I saw
Or imagined I saw
an awakened eye
which was my own.

I went to my room upstairs
it was more like a small apartment than a room
With a living room, a bathroom, a bedroom.
And on the white wall,
The one that faced the street
I saw
a single colored teardrop
seemingly fresh and alive.
Then I heard a loud noise
and the tear splattered
all over the white wall.

I spent some time
making sure all the doors were closed and locked
I was certain there were other people close by
Wandering around the house.
I had some trouble locking all the doors
since I wasn’t sure
where they were all located.

In the middle of rushing around
closing and locking everything
I heard a sound
That I somewhat recognized as my name
Then I heard it again
And I just heard it as a word
A word without a meaning known to me.


I walked down a long hall
Surrounded by gardens of grass and stone.
I could see other gardens in the distance
I saw a group of children
Led by two or three adults
They were all carrying candles
And raising them above their heads.

The man who was in charge approached me.
He talked to me as if he knew who I was
And why I was there.
“It’s a beautiful house…”
He said.
And I responded:
“Yes, it really is..
But it’s a bit dangerous…
Specially for kids.”
I was thinking of so many levels,
So many ways to fall.
He said:
“It’s ok.
As long as you keep your eye on them.”

Then the children came to me
And carried me like a precious jewel.
I became pink and new,
With a touch of purple
Maybe brown or light blue
Always on the verge of crying.